Weddings are known to be super stressful, from planning the event to the stress of the big day - but they don't have to be. There are lots of things you can do to ease the stress off yourselves and bring back the fun to the planning. The more relaxed you are, the more you'll enjoy the actual wedding day.
I've split this blog post into two separate sections. We start with advice for the planning phase - this encompasses when you first decide to get married, through to making decisions about suppliers and venues and timelines (i.e. everything pre-wedding). Then there's the on-the-day section, which focuses more on what you can do to ensure the actual wedding day itself is relaxed.
I really hope these bits of advice help you plan something awesome, fuss-free, and that truly reflects you as a couple. That's our mission! So let's jump straight in.
Relaxed wedding planning
Figure out your priorities as soon as possible
I recommend to all my clients that they decide on the top three things that are most important to them, and to do this as soon as they start to plan their wedding. This is critical in establishing the aspects of your day that are pivotal, and more importantly, it determines a longer list of elements that you don't mind being more flexible on.
Is having live music on the day special to you? Or do you care the most about the guest list and seating plan? Is a beautiful, heartfelt, sincere ceremony with a friendly celebrant important, or do you want to have a really-frickin'-good party? Talk it through together and suss out what elements of the day are the most important to you both.
Be open and be open-minded
The key here is to figure out the top three things that you won't be flexible on. These are the things that you don't mind spending extra budget on (if you have some) to ensure that you get what you want.
This is your 'I care about it' list. If something is not on this list, like flowers, the dress, how many speeches there are, whether you have canapes or a grazing table, then it means:
It doesn't have to be perfect
You can be flexible
You can be open-minded about it
If you care about every tiny little detail at your wedding, then that will likely lead to increased stress because I guarantee that everything will not be perfect, something will go wrong, and that's just the way it is.
Now, I don't mean to say that this process is for everyone, some people love planning every tiny detail, and if that doesn't stress you out then absolutely, you do you boo. But for those people whom planning a wedding doesn't come naturally, then this process is key to bring you perspective before you embark on your planning journey.
If you get your key priorities in mind at the very beginning, then when you hit road-bumps along the way, you won't be derailed and you'll have a much better time.
Minimise the time you spend planning
I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but hear me out. A lot of couples think that giving themselves a long time to plan a wedding is the best solution to ensure you have enough time to figure everything out, and to have the perfect day.
But I think planning and making decisions is something you can stretch out without it actually giving you any advantage. If anything, it just takes more of a toll. You'll make the same amount of decisions in three months than you would in nine months or two years. You'll still have the same decisions to make, but bringing it forward to a shorter amount of time can actually be quite freeing, force you to be practical, brings you better perspective, and means you won't get to your wedding day feeling drained and like it's all you've been talking about for the past couple of years.
Take the pressure off yourselves by limiting your planning time, and maintaining a positive perspective.
Consider cutting down your guest list
If having a relaxing wedding sounds good to you, then I really think having a smaller wedding is the way to go. I think a lot of people think bigger is better, especially when it comes to weddings. You wanna share your awesome day with as many people as possible right? Well, this can come at a cost (and not just financially).
The more people at your wedding, the less chance you have of actually talking meaningfully with them all. I've seen wedding couples absolutely shattered by the end of the day because they've run from person to person to person sharing quick little moments, everyone wants to talk to them and congratulate them, but they don't always get a chance to breathe, to be present, and to enjoy it.
A larger guest list also means you have a lot more to organise, and you generally need a bigger budget, which can be stressful in and of itself. If you want to be relaxed and easy-going on your wedding day, consider cutting down the guest list to those must-have VIP people in your lives. You'll still have just as much fun (if not more!) and be able to celebrate in a truly meaningful, unique way.
One idea that is becoming more popular is splitting the ceremony guest list from the 'reception' or after-party guest list. Keep the ceremony intimate and small, and inviting a larger group of people to celebrate with you later on at a larger venue. Or vice versa.
Don't include the traditions that aren't important to you
Think about the typical traditions of weddings, things you have seen your friends and family do, decide if there's any that you really don't care about, and get rid of them! You have my permission to remove any traditional wedding day stuff that you aren't fussed over.
Don't care about cake? Don't do it.
Hate dancing? Don't have a first dance.
Not into flowers? Walk down the aisle with champagne bottles.
Don't care about first looks? Don't bother, stay in the same bed the night before and get ready together, heck, why not walk down the aisle together?!
It's okay to do things differently, and to do things your way. Every wedding is unique, and I think the best way to make sure you feel comfortable and relaxed on your wedding day is to ensure you are only doing things that you care about and that mean something to you.
If you bring your wedding down to the basics (i.e. what is important to you both) then you'll have more time for the important things, more time to spend with your friends and family, and won't be worrying about things that don't actually matter.
Forget about the seating plan - go for a food truck!
If you want to be care-free and relaxed, then I encourage you to remove the pressure of the dreaded seating plan. By having a sit-down dinner, you are automatically giving yourself a lot more work (and sometimes pain) by having to plot how many people are on each table, and where they are all sitting. It can be a massive and painful job, tooing and froing between who should sit where, trying not to offend anyone, and trying to make everyone happy.
Everyone who has been to a traditional wedding knows the feeling of analysing the seating arrangements, checking which table are you sitting on, trying to figure out why they put you there, and sometimes the anxious agony of sitting at a table where you know no-one.
If that doesn't float your boat, then ditch the plan and consider food trucks or DIY buffet style instead of the traditional sit-down reception dinner.
Utiulising a food truck means your guests can serve themselves when they're hungry and there's no seating arrangement required. On the other hand, you could do a DIY buffet with breads and buns, salads from your local salad bar, and protein options which will be super filling, fairly inexpensive, and no seating chart required.
Remind yourself it's just a day
Yes it's important. Yes you are committing yourself legally to another person. Yes it's your one and only (all going well) wedding. BUT on the other hand, it really is just one single day of the rest of your entire lives.
When you feel the nerves creeping in, take a deep breath, remind yourself it is just a day and tell yourself it will be amazing no matter what.
By trying to keep a positive perspective and reducing the pressure you put on yourself, you'll also remember the bigger picture. It's about perspective and not letting the small stuff get you down. You can do it!
Be flexible
Remember those top three important elements you figured out right at the beginning of your wedding planning journey? Well, when deciding on everything else, we need to be agile, dynamic, flexible, and [insert other buzz-word here].
If you stay flexible on the minor decisions surrounding your day, then you'll minimise the stress and maximise the fun.
By opening your mind, you're opening up opportunities and you never know, something unexpected could happen that you could never have foreseen.
On-the-day wedding tips
Make a runsheet
A runsheet (or a wedding-day timeline) is a spreadsheet that details the timings, tasks and responsibilities of your wedding day. It can be as detailed as you like. I think every couple planning a wedding needs a runsheet, no matter how big or small the event is.
It's a simple way to outline what will happen throughout the day. It is also a great way to find our where you have too much time and where you don't have enough. It's also a great test for any logistical nightmares that you may not have recognised beforehand.
I recommend going through your day step by step. First by time, then by task, then by who is responsible. Once you've got a good idea of a rough outline, pass it on to someone unbiased to have a look and see what they think - two eyes are better than one, and I bet they offer an idea for making your day more seamless or notice something you didn't.
If you've never worked with a runsheet before, here's a free template to get you started.
Delegate, delegate, delegate
Picking up the cake? Ask your mother-in-law.
Setting up the ceremony venue? Ask your immediate family.
Packing down the reception venue? Ask your friends or the people who will be there last.
Take the time before the wedding to think of the little tasks and delegate to other people.
People LOVE having a role at weddings, it makes them feel special and meaningful to you. Some people also just love having something to do. The more help you ask for, the more relaxed and carefree you can be on the day.
Get your maid-of-honour/friend/bestman/sister/brother/someone you trust to be in charge of the runsheet and vendors. Share your runsheet with them before the day and ask them to take care of it all. They'll make sure that things run smoothly and happen at the right time so you don't have to. This will make it easier for you to relax and actually enjoy the moment without worrying whether things are going to plan or not.
And that's it! Hopefully you've found some little nuggets of advice in this blog post. If you have any questions at all, please get in touch as I'd love to help you be as relaxed as possible on your big day.
Wishing you all the best for an awesome little wedding.
- Brie, The Little Wedding Planner
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