So you've got your wedding guest list and it's too big compared to the vision for your wedding. Maybe you want a more intimate wedding, or maybe you just have way too many friends and you can't pick! What do you do next?
You asked for it, and now you've got it, here are my favourite strategies to bring your guest list down (that really work!).
This post covers 10 different strategies (plus a bonus one!) to reduce your guest list. Some will work perfectly for you and others won't. You may choose to use just one of these methods and find your guest list at a nice number, or you might employ a variety in order to get your guest list to a manageable level. It'll be different for every couple, follow your instincts and trust what's right for you.
Enough chitter-chatter, let's get stuck in and help bring those numbers down!
Quick strategies to cut down your wedding guest list
Adults only
This is a really quick way to reduce your numbers, and it may fit perfectly with the type of wedding you want (a nice elegant cocktail style party doesn't really suit lots of children running around).
Don't feel bad about asking parents to ditch the kids. Make sure you give them enough time to find childcare or other arrangements and they'll likely be glad for a night off!
If you choose to remove children entirely, do it across the board as it could be awkward if one or two children are allowed to attend while others have had to find a babysitter or alternative care. I also recommend setting an age limit to make it easier to apply across your guest list.
No plus ones
Remove all plus ones from your guest list, except for anyone you know, are friends with, or have met. This will reduce your guest list quite significantly, and will also ensure everyone that attends is someone you know and love.
No strangers
Look at your guest list and note down all the people either you or your partner haven't met yet. Maybe they're a family friend of your parents, a cousin you don't talk to much anymore, or a childhood buddy. This is an easy rule to apply that will undoubtedly eliminate some names.
Ex-BFFs
Run through the list and remove anybody that you or your partner haven't spent meaningful time with, or communicated with, over the last year. There are definitely some people that this rule is hard to apply to, like friends living overseas or out of town. However, if they're living in the same area and you guys haven't connected in the past 1-3 years, maybe that shows that you're no longer as close as you once were, and gives you a chance to reassess whether they should be on your list.
Dinner for two
A fun, slightly out-of-the-box method is to ask yourself whether you'd spend an entire evening with the person, shout them a nice dinner and enjoy it? If you wouldn't spend that sort of time and money on them individually and by choice, think about where they sit on the importance scale of inviting them to your wedding. Essentially, when you invite someone to your wedding, you're generally inviting them out for dinner too.
Fear, obligation or guilt
Are there names on your list just because you feel like you have to invite them? Maybe you're scared of the consequences if you don't invite them? Or maybe you're afraid you'll feel guilty if they're not there?
If you're inviting anybody to your wedding purely out of fear, obligation or guilt, and for no other reason, then take a step back, reflect, and ask yourself why.
This method may bring up some tough feelings and decisions, maybe even an ah-ha moment in regards to some of your relationships, but I heartily recommend going through this process. In the end, friendships change and you don't want people in your life who bring you negative energy, and that means that you also don't want them with you on your special day.
Don't return the invite
This one relates to the 'obligation' part of the previous method, but it's more specific. If you got invited to a friends or cousins wedding years ago, but you don't really speak anymore and you want a smaller celebration, it's okay to not invite them to your wedding! Just because they invited you to their wedding doesn't mean you have to invite them to yours. We are not eight year old children inviting each other to our birthday parties at the playground.
Okay, you can totally go for it if you're still friends and they are a valuable part of your life, but if you've fallen out over the years or drifted apart, recognise that and be true to yourself. Odds are they'll probably feel disconnected from you too, they might even feel awkward at your wedding as you haven't talked in a while, and will understand why you haven't extended the invite.
Will they be missed?
Think to yourself, will I be disappointed if this person wasn't there? Will there be a gap, a void, something missing? If yes, throw them on the list! If not, then they could be a potential removal.
Has this person played a vital role in my life?
Ask yourself if this person played an important part in your upbringing, or if they influenced you to be the person you are today. Are they currently active in your social life?
This method can help separate those people you haven't spoken to lately but were extremely impactful on your life so far, from the people you don't feel a connection with anymore.
Weekend catch-ups
Think to yourself, would I invite this person to stay at my home for a weekend? This is generally a good indicator of how close your relationships is, and whether or not they're close enough to justify the invite.
Bonus: Destination wedding
This one is not for everyone, but if a big guest list stresses you out, and you really don't like letting people down, then have a destination wedding! A destination wedding is held overseas and usually tagged onto a holiday (the classic for New Zealanders is Cook Island/Rarotonga).
This can be a really good way to still invite a large number of people, knowing that a large portion of guests will politely decline due to family commitments, work, or the cost. Obviously there's no guarantee that only a small amount of guests will actually be able to make it, but if you're a bit of a risk-taker then this method could suit you.
You send all the invites out and keep everyone happy, and you (likely) get a little wedding, win-win!
After reading through the list, what strategies do you think will work best for you? Has this helped you bring your guest list down to a number you like? Let us know your own personal strategies in the comments below!
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Happy planning everyone!
- Brie, The Little Wedding Planner
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